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update on life

Been years since i wrote.. seems to be a pattern that when I am with someone the writing stops and when I am single the writing picks up.. I do visit my journal even when I am with someone else. I just cant find the motivation to write. Not sure what all that means, maybe it has to do with what parts of your brain you use for different tasks. Like that same part that allows me to express and be creative here on LJ is also the same part that I use to associate with my significant other.

Really thank LJ for keeping my writings and making them so easy to access and add to.

most people

Most people are trying to figure out the meaning of life in one way or another. Either by going to church, studying ancient texts, or listening to those who say they know. Those who really know are humble people, they suffer in silence waiting for the few fleeting moments when they can bring someone closer to knowing what they know. They spend their day biting their tongue wishing they could say things they know they can not, or that they know wont be heard.

To find out the meaning of life, you first must find yourself. I know this is cryptic sounding but it is the simple truth. You wont ever find it in a church or a book or even from me. You have to discover that you have a soul and that your soul is a part of your awareness. Once you have discovered this, its just a matter of shutting down all the other parts so that you are just soul. Once you have experienced this even once.. you will know the meaning of life!

To discover that you have a soul requires a very firm grasp of your ego.. lots of humility and willpower and patience. Having a firm grasp of your ego will help you so much. I never worry, never fear. I am never anxious. I am always happy, however I do feel pain and I do suffer. That is a part of being human.. being angry or sad or upset is all just in your mind because of an attachment to someone or something. So this is controllable and avoidable.

You can control your thoughts, this is the first step to controlling your ego. All you have to do is start saying to yourself over and over: "i control my thoughts, my thoughts do not control me." Very important to say this whenever you feel your thoughts spinning out of control or keeping you up at night. Soon you will get better and better at catching yourself thinking out of control. You will begin to have mastery over how your thoughts flow in your head. You will begin to realize who YOU really is..

the age of soul

Soul has no age, it does not grow older. Your soul just Is. There is no such thing as a old soul or a young soul. There is just soul. We are reincarnated over and over but the goal is to discover your soul. You are given roughly 70 years to discover it, then you start over again if you didn't make it. Once you have discovered your soul you are then prepared to move on to the next level. You can not move on to the next level until you have discovered your soul. Once discovered you cannot regress and forget about it or you must start over again.

Your soul can make itself harder to find and it can make itself easier to find. This is carried over Karma from previous lives. But even the hardest to find soul can be found in this lifetime.

The things that come to you on the way home from the doctors office..


to evolve

Make no mistake, our purpose on this level is to evolve. To be a better person then you were the day before. We are the only species on this planet capable of evolving on a daily basis. Other species take generations to achieve breakthroughs in evolution, but humans can make miracles happen in evolution within years of needing a specific evolution. Just look at our ability to learn and process information, you can become a deadly warrior with a year of infantry training, you can shave minutes off of your mile for that gold medal race, you can learn how to play a instrument and make beautiful music.

In truth any single human being has the ability to learn everything there is to learn on this level. No other animal has this ability. No other animal even comes close. Humans have two things that make this possible, an amazing brain and a soul pushing you to move forward. We are tasked with always evolving , always moving closer to our goal of being one with our soul. Our brain was built with this goal in mind, it was forged out of evolution, out of the soul's demand for closure. But our brain is also our number 1 reason why we do not evolve. It has become a catch 22 for our soul. It has got to the point where it can tell our soul that it doesnt need it anymore, it forgot its reason for being. The brain must be kept in check to continue evolving. It must be made to realize that it is only of this level, and it must be a daily thing to keep it humble and on task. If you are capable of doing this you will see that it becomes easier to learn new things and new things become more interesting to you and you find you want to learn more and more. You will also find you are much happier because happiness is our "default" mood. Its just our brain looking for something to do that makes us unhappy.

You will find you want to give more, love more, and your awareness level will skyrocket.

Make no mistake, the goal is to evolve!

breaking it all down

I think one of the biggest problems people have is how many layers of illusions there actually is. if you could break it down past all the illusions into life's most simplest truths you would see that life is about two things, happiness and suffering. Of the two it should be obvious which one we should strive for and which one we avoid. Once you are able to break life down past all the illusions and get to the point i speak of, you will see for yourself.

the number one cause of illusions is the ego and its momentum. The ego uses momentum to keep its thoughts and actions swirling in your head, you have to break the momentum for a moment of clarity. Usually this involves something very unique happening, for me it was when i lost my wife. I was so entwined in the illusions i had created that i did not see what was happening right in front of my face, and when the illusion was washed away in a matter of moments it really caused the "ego train of momentum" to go off its tracks. I was left with a moment of pure clarity where i saw things as they truly are.

It was a profound moment of suffering, it is what it took for me to awaken and become truly aware for the first time in my life. I do not recommend this path for anyone, but sometimes this is what it takes.

before i awoke, my biggest goal in life was to be the owner of my own company and be as rich as i could be. After I awoke, my biggest goal in life is to help other people avoid suffering. My life has certainly changed a lot since this moment in time. If i could have one wish for myself it would be to be able to travel the world helping those less fortunate than myself. This is actually my plan as soon as my obligations to society are met I will leave it behind and go where I can help others.

I think the biggest surprise I have encountered is just how hard people want to hang on to their illusions. people get mad at you if you try to get them to see the truth, i wasnt expecting that, but I do now.

the truth

it amazes me how people dont want to know what the truth is. People want to keep their fantasy worlds intact, if you try to show them that they are wrong in their perception of something they freak out on you. Even if you have all the proof in the world it doesnt matter. Their ego will just force them to get angry and upset because anytime you threaten someones fantasy they become afraid. There is nothing wrong with finding out you were wrong about something.

As I have become more and more aware i have found more and more people pushing me away. I have probably wrote about this already in this journal but i just continue to become amazed at how shunned the guy telling the truth in the room is.

We have become so conditioned on lies. The truth is perceived as a threat. This is a excellent way to maintain control over the masses.


Affection and a calm mind are important to us. A calm mind is good for our physical health, but it also enables us to use our intelligence properly and to see things more realistically. Affection too is important because it counters anger, hatred and suspicion that can prevent our minds from functioning clearly.
My advice is that if you must be selfish, be wisely selfish. Wise people serve others sincerely, putting the needs of others above their own. Ultimately you will be happier. The kind of selfishness that provokes fighting, killing, stealing, using harsh words, forgetting other people’s welfare will only result in your own loss.

please work on opening your mind every day

People inflict pain on others in their selfish pursuit of happiness and satisfaction. Yet true happiness comes from a sense of brotherhood and sisterhood. We need to cultivate a sense of universal responsibility for one another and the planet we share.

a refresher...

Foolish, selfish people are always thinking of themselves and the result is always negative. Wise persons think of others, helping them as much as they can, and the result is happiness. Love and compassion are beneficial both for you and others. Through your kindness to others, your mind and heart will open to peace